Plugging Along

I remember as a kid the days would DRAG on and on and on...   A week seemed like a year at times.  Every grown up would sigh and say, "Wait until you are older, the time just flys by". 

I always thought to myself that just couldn't be true.  I thought I would never be old, never look back and have trouble remembering details, yet here I am.  I blink and a month has gone by, a few months, or even a year.  I try to remember events that I knew brought great joy and happiness to me and the details are starting to fade.  Bits and pieces come to me instead of whole events.  I'm trying with all my might to cling to the remaining fragments as best I can, in hopes that I don't forget those too.

While I am sad that I'm losing some of the past to old age, haha, I am very careful to make sure I'm not missing out on the present!  Pictures, videos, blogs and facebook help me to keep snapshots of my life so if I do forget later on, I can always remind myself. 

30 has arrived!!

Sorry for the delay in posting, I was busy turning 30 hehe 

I woke up last week on my birthday and felt great!  I was excited for what the day had in store for me, and I was not disappointed.  I woke up to signs and a banner from my wonderful husband and 2 1/2 year old daughter.  Gotta say seeing her little scribbles was pretty exciting and warmed my heart. 

My work decorated, sang and celebrated with me, and my parents helped me celebrate that night as well.  Over the weekend I celebrated with about 30 of my friends and my sister from out of state and Monday my little family celebrated at Disneyland!  Such a great few days!!

I don't feel bad that I'm 30 now.  In fact, I feel pretty good about it!  I really feel content in my life.  I have weeded out all my drama friends, I have a better understanding of patience and try to be as stress-free as possible.  I had many experiences from my 20's that shaped who I am today.  Would I do some of them again, um, no, but have I learned from them and become a better person for them?  Yes. 

Overall I think 30 is going to be some of the best years of my life!!  It sounds so sappy to 20 year old me but watching my kids grow and learn new things each day, seeing the love grow between my husband and I and feeling good about myself is amazing.  I wouldn't have it any other way!!! 

Just Embarrassing

Today I screamed... like a little girl.  If there is one thing I'm scared of and creeped out by, it's crickets.  This morning when I got into work I heard the tell tell singing of one of the little buggers somewhere near my desk.  As I investigated more I came to the conclusion it was too close for comfort and enlisted the help of two of my male (not afraid) co-workers, others gathered too.  We searched drawers, under the desk and behind cabinets; but nothing.  Jiminy continued to sing and we all agreed he must be in the wall somehow. 

Then once everyone had dispersed, I looked under my desk again and saw a black thing on the floor.  A black cricket?  No there isn't such thing, it must be trash or something. Then it moved.... and I screamed.  I discovered apparently there are such things as nasty black crickets and one came specially to me.. ahh how lovely (barf)  And then I ran away like a little girl.  How embarrassing.  

Jiminy was attempted to be caught alive but he must have had a death wish and when he wouldn't stop running, he was smushed. 

Party Planning

Planning a party when you are in your teens is easy.  You tell your parents you want a party and you invite everyone you can think of!  Parties in your early 20's are almost as easy.  You buy a few bags of chips and tell everyone to BYOB.  Then you still invite everyone you can think of.

Now that we are 'adults', party planning is a lot more intense!  There are budgets and etiquette to abide by.  You have to provide everything and rent the space to do it in.  You have many circles of friends that may or may not get along with each other.  When you finally decide who to invite you have to wait and see who will RSVP.  It's all very complicated at times haha  Then you have to decide just the right outfit to wear, which will consist of at least 2 trips to the mall.  Shoes are a whole other topic ;) 

The upside to it all, is the Party!  No one has a curfew, no one has to sneak a fake ID and if your like me, your aren't afraid of the cops coming because a good majority of the guests in attendance are the cops.  It may be a lot more work, but definitely worth it!

Fear

Bin Laden is now dead.  In my early 20's I would have been thrilled, probably hung a flag and went along with my daily life.  Now I fear the retaliation that is undoubtedly going to come our way.  I fear for my children's future in an uncertain world.  I fear they may experience some sort of loss that cannot be fixed by a kiss and a band aid.  I also fear things like car accidents and the health of me and my husband.  I fear for us financially because of the economy and wonder how it will be when my children are grown.  These kinds of fears are real and stressful to me!   

When I was small I was afraid of Chuck E. Cheese, if the boy I sat next to in school liked me, if I would miss the ice cream man, how many Valentines I would get in class or if I would get invited to the next dance. 

I wish I could go back and appreciate the little fears I had when I was a child, life was much simpler then.

I don't NEED no man!

I have been quoted saying, "I don't NEED my husband, I WANT him". 

When I have said this, I am usually judging another woman for saying that she needs her man around.  Yes, I judge, I'm sorry, I'm trying not to.  I have thought that neither one of us really NEED each other but that we just WANT to be together.  For the most part that is true.  However, my husband can be a huge pain in my @ss sometimes and I know I am certainly not easy to live with!  I started to put some real thought into it and it made me realize:  I NEED MY HUSBAND!

It isn't for the reason that I can't do things on my own.  I can take out the trash (although I won't), I can fix most things around the house, I can/and do build all new furniture we buy, I can kill the spiders running up our living room wall (again something I usually won't do),  I work and bring home income, and I am not afraid to get dirty.  I am certainly capable if god forbid, anything ever took him out of our lives. 

The reasons I discovered as to why I do in fact need him were pretty profound and I honestly can't believe I overlooked their importance for so long. 

I need him after a long day of toddler temper tantrums and chaos, when I'm literally about to pull my hair out.  I need him before I have a presentation to do at work and have butterflies in my stomach.  I need him when I hear a funny joke and I need to pass it on right away before I forget it.  I need him when I'm making a big decision and just can't decide.  I need him when I'm upset at someone (other than him of course).  I need him when I wake up scared in the middle of the night.  I need him with me to cheer for our favorite sports team when they play (Go Kings!).  I need him to encourage me when I get down on myself.  I need him to help me shop, even though when I ask his opinion I usually don't take it.  I just need him by my side, loving me. 

I don't need a man, I just need my man :) 

Working mom

I was lucky enough to have 2 years off after the birth of my daughter.  Just as we realized how crappy this economy is and that I would have to get back in the work force, whamo, I was pregnant again.  So I started a new job with a 7 week lima bean growing in my stomach.  I worked up until my 9th month of pregnancy and took a very nice, very fast, 3 month maternity leave.  Now that I'm back working I have realized some things.

• The temper tantrums that happen when I'm not home kinda make me laugh now
• I love singing in the car without a 2 1/2 year old yelling, "I don't like this song mommy!"
• The time I have at work, with real adult conversations, makes my heart happy
• I appreciate the Justin Bieber dance I get to do with my daughter after I get home
• I envy people whose alarms don't go off at 4:45am
• I value my family time a little more than I used to
• I feel prouder of myself and my accomplishments at work
• I realized that the way people see me and the way I see myself are very different at times; I need to take it easier on myself. 

Leaving babies home when you go anywhere can be emotionally challenging but in this case I can say it's not entirely a bad thing for any of us ;)

T minus 16 days until the BIG 3 0

For my first blog post I thought I should tell you exactly where I'm at in my life - then we can fill in all the gaps later. 

Right now I am 16 days from my 30th birthday, an age that I used to think was OLD, and not just old like your 4 year-senior cousin, I mean ancient.  When someone would say 30, I would think to myself, "Geez I never want to be 30, that means you are almost dead!"  Now that I'm here, well almost, I don't feel any older than I did then.  I feel more tired and not as silly or petty or self-consious or as emotional as I felt in my early 20s.  I feel stronger; stronger in my decisions, stronger in my relationships, and stronger in my ability to do whatever it is I feel like doing.  I have a relationship with my parents, a real, solid relationship.  I mean who would of thought I would someday like my parents?! 

I'm married to an amazing man that I actually knew in high school!  Never saw that coming!  Together we have 2 beautiful children - a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 3 month old son.  They fill my days and nights with more love than I ever knew possible.... but more on all of them later.

I work part time and get this, I actually love my job.  Weird huh?  When I was 21 I loathed getting up for work.  I wished to win the lotto or to marry for money or something that would prevent me from the awfulness that work was.  I took 2 years off with my daughter but as we all know, times are tough, so here I am, back in the work force and loving every minute - well maybe not EVERY minute lol 

Hmmm... Maybe this 30 thing isn't so bad?