"Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list." -Dennis Leary
I could not agree more. I was raised in a home with a mother who took everyone’s side. We would come home from school and say, "mommy, mommy, this girl at school did x, y and z to me!" She would look at us and respond with, "Well what did you do to her?"
For years and years this bothered me so very much, to the core really! How could my own mother not instantly take my side? Why would she not join in and bash this girl, boy, teacher, whoever I was angry with? I felt betrayed! I felt shortchanged and for many years I had a hard spot in my heart about it.
It's really funny when people tell you that you will understand one day when you're older. You want to punch them in the face when you hear it. But guess what? It's true. LOL It's SO true.
Now that I'm older, (and wiser?!), I am realizing that maybe what my mom taught me is more valuable than her just taking my side and hating this other party. I see that she taught me to examine my own actions and see what part I played in each and every situation. It always takes two to tango! She could have taught me to hate. She could have agreed with everything I felt and validated my hate with hers. But she didn’t. She taught me to not hate.
Going through a divorce; this is a huge, monstrous feat. Not everyone is capable of it. It’s hard to do, seemingly impossible at times but for me it’s been where I find peace in the chaos that surrounds me. I am able to take a step back and realize that the hatred or anger I feel is irrational emotion only. What is hate and anger actually going to accomplish? Who wants to deal with someone who is pissed off and mean? My ex is full of hate and anger and he is unhappy, unfulfilled and extremely hard to deal with.
If I could give one piece of advice to new parents, teens nearing graduation or even seasoned adults plugging along in life, it would be to not hate. Hate accomplishing nothing. Hate and anger fuel violence. Teach your children and yourself to step back and examine the situation for what it is. If you don’t agree or can’t come to a resolution, walk away, get an outside opinion, sleep on it but don’t hate!
