Am I really almost 32?!

So I really did have the best intentions of keeping my blog up and running on a regular basis.  Opps!  So much has happened in the last year that I will have to take the events in pieces over my next few posts.

The biggest, and most surprising probably, is that I am now single.  Yep, the dreaded D hit our home.  This isn't the time nor the place for details of what went wrong or what didn't go right and the end result is the same, so I will spare you all the gory details.

Last week I received my lease renewal from the apartment complex in which I live.  That means it's officially been a year since I moved here.  Shocking.  I have a modest 2 bedroom in a lovely, mostly quiet complex in a great location.  The first 6 months of living here happened in a fog.  I remember bits and pieces, some events standing out in vivid detail, others merely seem dreamlike and I'm not sure if they actually even happened anymore.  I will say, now that I'm out of it, that I was in a really dark place.

The human body is fascinating in that it truly is resilient.  It goes into a protective state.  Even when you feel like the world is going to literally crush you at any moment, you somehow make it through.  Autopilot is a term that comes to mind.  Some people, obviously not my close friends, but people I see regularly, may not have even noticed that big of a change.  But I did.  I was withdrawn, weepy, angry, tired and sometimes the exact opposite!  Depression hit me, hard.    I had giant ups and downward spirals.  I lost a ton of weight.  I cut my hair.  I cancelled my FB (gasp) and shut people out.  Thank God I have two of the best friends I could possibly imagine.  Each of them provides something in my life that I crave - and honestly need like the air I breathe.  I also have a huge support system from my family, my parents and my sisters rallied around me like they never have and that was an incredible thing to experience.

I was dragged kicking and screaming to a Halloween party in late October, literally I was bawling my eyes out on my patio just minutes before getting into the car.  That night changed my life.  It was my first night out in 6 months - the first night I remember anyway, this is why I say things were dreamlike, I very well may have gone out before that, in fact I'm sure I must have, but I wasn't really there.  I was trapped inside my head.  But this night was different.  This night I ran into old friends, made new ones and was able to remember who I was.  That I was alive, and young and beautiful still!  That I have my entire life ahead of me!  Sure I have tough days, weeks even.  But that was the turning point.  I'm so grateful for what that night has brought me.  I am so excited to see where it takes me in the future too.